There had never been an easy time to sleep. I had to face living in an era of war, death, and pain. In 1986, all my friends and relatives had either been killed or escaped to Pakistan or Iran. Kabul, a place I once called home, turned into a place of chaos. There was no one to greet, no one to sit down with for chai and no one to share stories with, but there were just Roussi soldiers patrolling the streets. The only thing that was left was Baba’s house which meant the whole world to him. Unfortunately, my arthritis restricted me from free movement around Baba’s house and made it difficult for me to care for the house. The worst pain is not physical pain, but it is emotional pain. It is easy to heal a physical wound, but an emotional pain is incurable when choosing not to face the reality. When the news of Baba’s death came to ears, the sad reality nearly killed me.
I lived a quiet life, but I knew there was still something I had to do. I had to tell the truth that had been kept away from Amir and Hassan. As I travelled to Bamiyan to meet Hassan again, a spark of hope aroused me. But it was not long before Hassan told me the death of his father Ali. Once again, my heart took a slap by the sad news. When Hassan and his wife Farzana decided to move to Kabul, his mother Sanaubar soon arrived at Hassan’s presence. I remembered how Hassan bolted away at his mother’s appearance and did not return until the next day. Would it have been a better choice if Sanaubar didn’t show up? Maybe some stories do not need telling; maybe telling the truth to Hassan about the relationship between him and Amir is unnecessary.
When Farzana gave birth to Sohrab in 1990, I became very attached to his child. I heard him utter his first word, witnessed his first step and he reminded me of Amir. Even when Kabul was like hell on earth, there was still a shimmer of hope. Unfortunately, it was the sunset of my life. I coughed all day and I saw blood when I wiped my mouth. I have lost weight and I am incapable of eating much. I knew I had to remain alive for 11 year old Sohrab. I consulted some doctors in Pakistan but the truth hit me when I was told what had happened to Hassan. The Talibs killed him and his wife and took Sohrab to an orphanage somewhere in Karteh-She. Sohrab is all that left in my memory, someone needs to save him. I realized Allah made the truth inevitable. I had to get Amir to rescue Sahrab, and I had to tell Amir the truth.
I keep this quote in my mind when I am facing struggles:
"Good humor is the health of the soul, sadness is its poison." Lord Chesterfield
In a time of war, there were many changes that affected my mentality. In order to stay strong, I had to pray to Allah and hope that he is always there to guide the people of Kabul. Here is a website that talks about coping with stress.
http://familydoctor.org/familydoctor/en/prevention-wellness/emotional-wellbeing/mental-health/stress-how-to-cope-better-with-lifes-challenges.html
I want to live a long life and survive as long as possible to see Sohrab. If I want to stay alive, I need to have a calm mind in order to heal the grief I have faced in war. By writing this 'blog', I feel better because I am able to express my feelings and the events happening in my life. This video taught me many ideas to transform my health.
Omaid e Man--> This song reminds me of the people I love most. Unfortunately, they all just have to go away.
Song Brief Discription:
Hey eyes of my sun, Zohra and Parween and hope of me
I keep this quote in my mind when I am facing struggles:
"Good humor is the health of the soul, sadness is its poison." Lord Chesterfield
In a time of war, there were many changes that affected my mentality. In order to stay strong, I had to pray to Allah and hope that he is always there to guide the people of Kabul. Here is a website that talks about coping with stress.
http://familydoctor.org/familydoctor/en/prevention-wellness/emotional-wellbeing/mental-health/stress-how-to-cope-better-with-lifes-challenges.html
I want to live a long life and survive as long as possible to see Sohrab. If I want to stay alive, I need to have a calm mind in order to heal the grief I have faced in war. By writing this 'blog', I feel better because I am able to express my feelings and the events happening in my life. This video taught me many ideas to transform my health.
Omaid e Man--> This song reminds me of the people I love most. Unfortunately, they all just have to go away.
Song Brief Discription:
Hey eyes of my sun, Zohra and Parween and hope of me
Rahim-Jan, I feel mournful for the events that you have experienced in Afghanistan. I also want to apologize for making you carry the lie in which Hassan had to suffer. As a person, I have failed to protect Hassan, failed to tell my sons the truth, and I have failed as a father. Hassan lived a horrendous life because I wanted to enjoy my own and escape fatherhood. Furthermore, I gave too little intimate time to Amir and this caused Amir’s betrayal against Hassan. I cannot blame Amir because I was blind to all these events in Kabul.
ReplyDeleteWhen I moved to Fremont, California, I started to become human. Since I was no longer a financial clout or had the same social standing back in Afghanistan, I was able to relate myself to Hassan and Ali. Even though they were discriminated by society, both men still found fulfillment in life by cherishing their closest relatives. Back in Kabul, I could have never done that. In San Francisco, I gradually learned how to cherish quality time with Amir. Given the opportunity to stare at Amir’s face everyday, I always see an image of Hassan reflected upon Amir’s face. Rahim, I keep asking myself if I should reveal the secret to Amir, but I couldn’t. As cancer slowly weakened my body, spending my life savings for Amir and Farzana’s marriage ceremony was the least I could do. They both loved each other and their inseparable bond is how every family should be. Even though Amir can never say the word ‘brother’ to Hassan, I want Amir to have a family that I had never provided him as a father.
I know this can be contradictory, but Amir needs to know the truth because I don’t want him to become a person like me. Amir cannot be a runner who seeks to escape the past because he needs to face the reality and make up for his mistake. I remember telling Amir the worst sin is theft because you steal someone’s right to the truth. Ironically, I am the biggest thief of Kabul. I built an orphanage, I stand up to injustice, and I wrestled a bear all to make up for the guilt that I could not accept Hassan as a son. I am nothing but a coward. Rahim-Jan, please guide Amir to the right path.
Baba-Jan, we have been great business partners and best friends for a very long time. I forgive you and I am very happy that you are finally expressing yourself. I will definitely tell Amir the truth because I cannot allow Sohrab to live in an orphanage. Baba-Jan, do not be angry at yourself because you have done so much in your life. Even though you made one error in life, your efforts to other contributions were not in vain.
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